The first castmate that Sayaka believed was truly and genuinely there, in the tower, her time with Mami shaped a lot of how she feels about herself, her world, and her old friends today. This Mami was from a world where everything went right - where the girls worked together, where none of them died, where they triumphed together over some ultimate witch Sayaka had never even heard of before, called 'Walpurgisnacht.' Sayaka was dead set on protecting her from the awful things that happened in the tower, and that ended up driving her to desperate actions, ones that to this day she feels as if she's never atoned for.
Okay, it's more than just that. A long time ago, Sayaka couldn't even stand the sight of Homura Akemi. That was before the world was destroyed and she knew that there were countless other versions of herself, somewhere out there, who mostly all made the same stupid choices as she did, and that Homura had lived through who knows how many of them. The best phrase for Sayaka's emotions toward Homura is 'calm ambivalence.' She isn't against helping her in a pinch, but she doesn't care to be anything but a mutual acquaintance now, in spite (or because of) their history.
Those are the words Sayaka's not sure if she'll ever be able to tell Kyoko. It feels like exactly the wrong thing to say - like she'd be demeaning what she knows that Kyoko has done - done multiple times, for multiple hers, according to memories that Sayaka used to tell herself were mere fabrications. But it's true that Sayaka feels nowhere close to the person she used to be, was about to become, the Sayaka who was breaking to bits that Kyoko chose to sink down with. At once she feels indebted and alienated, and like she should just stomp on and ignore both those feelings.
Once, a long time ago, she said something like, okay, let's be friends, to a different Kyoko. On that, Sayaka still wants to keep her word.
That's the main lesson Sayaka has taken away from meeting this Madoka. She wants to help her in any way she can, but Sayaka's not sure if she understands the strange balance that Madoka has to keep within herself... on an unconscious level, she's not sure if she wants to. Witches are the monster that needs to be beaten down, and having to live in conjunction with that every day...?! It terrifies her.
Another Madoka who became a Puella Magi, another person who's long, long gone now, and the very first friend from 'home' Sayaka met where her brain went, "maybe, just maybe I shouldn't bother her too much, because I know I'm not the Sayaka she's looking for." It was the start of an unhealthy precedent.
Sayaka's favorite self-delusion is that they were neither really here in the first place, because the alternative is that there are two Kyokos, somewhere out there, who have been trapped inescapably alone in an empty wasteland for a long, long time. Even though she's seen proof of their presence, she tries to put that proof out of her head.
Jin Shirato is unabashedly Sayaka's best friend, and the one person left in her life that she's able to relate to the easiest. She's accumulated metric tons of baggage in her time in the tower, but he's been right there all along with her in the thick of it, and she refuses to let anything that happens now weigh that down. That would just be dumb!
If only she would apply that same philosophy to her friends from home, things would be a lot more simple...
They were friends, and close enough that she feels strange about speaking to the other boy bearing his face and name even now (which is frankly pretty ironic, considering her own issues). Sayaka's lingering impression of Minato is that he had the ability to be very terrifying sometimes, and most definitely very emotionally intense. In that regard, she supposes they were similar people.
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branchandroot
Puella Magi Madoka Magica (castmates)
Date: 2013-05-03 02:03 am (UTC)MAMI TOMOE (AU) - dropped like ages ago
Date: 2013-07-06 02:02 am (UTC)riflesandtea.
The first castmate that Sayaka believed was truly and genuinely there, in the tower, her time with Mami shaped a lot of how she feels about herself, her world, and her old friends today. This Mami was from a world where everything went right - where the girls worked together, where none of them died, where they triumphed together over some ultimate witch Sayaka had never even heard of before, called 'Walpurgisnacht.' Sayaka was dead set on protecting her from the awful things that happened in the tower, and that ended up driving her to desperate actions, ones that to this day she feels as if she's never atoned for.
Homura Akemi (OU)
Date: 2013-07-06 02:16 am (UTC)rewindingly.
It's complicated.
Okay, it's more than just that. A long time ago, Sayaka couldn't even stand the sight of Homura Akemi. That was before the world was destroyed and she knew that there were countless other versions of herself, somewhere out there, who mostly all made the same stupid choices as she did, and that Homura had lived through who knows how many of them. The best phrase for Sayaka's emotions toward Homura is 'calm ambivalence.' She isn't against helping her in a pinch, but she doesn't care to be anything but a mutual acquaintance now, in spite (or because of) their history.
Kyoko Sakura (OU)
Date: 2013-07-06 02:35 am (UTC)prayed.
"I'm not the person you died for."
Those are the words Sayaka's not sure if she'll ever be able to tell Kyoko. It feels like exactly the wrong thing to say - like she'd be demeaning what she knows that Kyoko has done - done multiple times, for multiple hers, according to memories that Sayaka used to tell herself were mere fabrications. But it's true that Sayaka feels nowhere close to the person she used to be, was about to become, the Sayaka who was breaking to bits that Kyoko chose to sink down with. At once she feels indebted and alienated, and like she should just stomp on and ignore both those feelings.
Once, a long time ago, she said something like, okay, let's be friends, to a different Kyoko. On that, Sayaka still wants to keep her word.
Kyousuke Kamijou (OU, dropped)
Date: 2013-07-06 02:43 am (UTC)verismo.
THERE ARE A LOT OF WORDS THAT COULD GO HERE AND NONE ARE ENOUGH
HEY LOOK OUR ICONS MATCH
Madoka Kaname (AU)
Date: 2013-07-06 08:19 am (UTC)mask_of_suffering.
Not every other world is a happy one.
That's the main lesson Sayaka has taken away from meeting this Madoka. She wants to help her in any way she can, but Sayaka's not sure if she understands the strange balance that Madoka has to keep within herself... on an unconscious level, she's not sure if she wants to. Witches are the monster that needs to be beaten down, and having to live in conjunction with that every day...?! It terrifies her.
Madoka Kaname (AU) - dropped like ages ago
Date: 2013-07-06 08:36 am (UTC)heartfeltfancy.
Another Madoka who became a Puella Magi, another person who's long, long gone now, and the very first friend from 'home' Sayaka met where her brain went, "maybe, just maybe I shouldn't bother her too much, because I know I'm not the Sayaka she's looking for." It was the start of an unhealthy precedent.
Kyoko Sakura(s) (OU) - dropped like ages ago
Date: 2013-07-06 08:47 am (UTC)bitterapple / eats_all_the_food.
Sayaka's favorite self-delusion is that they were neither really here in the first place, because the alternative is that there are two Kyokos, somewhere out there, who have been trapped inescapably alone in an empty wasteland for a long, long time. Even though she's seen proof of their presence, she tries to put that proof out of her head.
Persona Series
Date: 2013-07-06 07:49 am (UTC)JIN SHIRATO (AU)
Date: 2013-07-06 08:01 am (UTC)morituramfides.
Jin Shirato is unabashedly Sayaka's best friend, and the one person left in her life that she's able to relate to the easiest. She's accumulated metric tons of baggage in her time in the tower, but he's been right there all along with her in the thick of it, and she refuses to let anything that happens now weigh that down. That would just be dumb!
If only she would apply that same philosophy to her friends from home, things would be a lot more simple...
And no, they aren't dating.
MINATO ARISATO (AU) - dropped like ages ago
Date: 2013-07-06 09:02 am (UTC)fractus_animus.
They were friends, and close enough that she feels strange about speaking to the other boy bearing his face and name even now (which is frankly pretty ironic, considering her own issues). Sayaka's lingering impression of Minato is that he had the ability to be very terrifying sometimes, and most definitely very emotionally intense. In that regard, she supposes they were similar people.