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Mar. 18th, 2013 12:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beknightedheroineIt was the last train home, and she couldn't take any more for tonight.
There was this.. emptiness in her, her arms especially, a lack where there should have been muscle ache from hefting swords or at least just something that felt living. After dealing with that transfer student before, she was ready to just.. get home, go to sleep, most of all quit having to be conscious. She shuffled into the car like someone half-dead on their feet.
It wasn't empty. Two young men sat by one another, casual like - friends, definitely. She wondered what Madoka was doing, right now. Asleep? They were the only ones, though, and Sayaka decided she could bear with them if it meant she didn't have to keep moving and feeling like it was a robot doing the work for her. She sat down, and tilted her head back so that she could feel the cold of the window against her scalp.
Then they started talking, and Sayaka slowly pressed herself into the seat's corner - like maybe she'd fall through it and out of the train, so that she didn't have to listen any more.
"No way, man, you can't let the dumb slut make any excuses. Gotta get her to fork over all the money she makes, no shit."
It wasn't working.
"'Cuz women are complete morons. They get money in their hands and they blow it all on stupid crap."
"Yeah, seriously, man. You can't just treat women like rational human beings."
Why would anyone act like this? Why would a person - a real life person, someone who wasn't just some stupid stereotype written up to be a moral lesson or a strawman - say that kind of thing?
"You gotta treat them like they're dogs or something. But you know, my stupid ho would probably be happy with that! All I gotta say is, "I'm gonna bust up your face!" and she shuts right up!"
They didn't sound like real people. They didn't sound like the sort of people she thought about, when she drew up her sword from her soul and fought monsters. It was like they were just wearing human guises, really. She'd never heard a Witch talk before, though.
"You give 'em an inch and they're all over you, whining to get married and shit. You just can't let up on them. I'm like, "You think a shit-for-brains hostess like you will still be around in 10 years?" That ho body ain't gonna last forever, y'know!"
"God, they're so annoying when it comes time to dump them. You are really good at dumping hos though, Sho! I envy you. Dude, I gotta learn from you."
She'd heard enough. Silently, she stood up on surprisingly steady legs, and spoke, voice low and serious. "Hey, tell me more about her."
"Um, what?" Sho - that was the one - had a pierced ear and long, whispy hair. He was trying for that pretty bad boy look, she guessed.
"The woman you were talking about just now. Tell me more about her." Sayaka tossed her head to the side, to eye the rows of swinging handles lining the ceiling of the train car. She didn't want to see too much of his eyes. His friend answered for him:
"Are you a middle schooler, kid? You shouldn't be out this late."
She ignored it, and went on. She wasn't even thinking about her words; they were bubbling out of her mouth all at once, in that same grave voice, her pitch slowly rising.
"That woman... she probably loves you and tries hard to make you happy. I bet you know that too, don't you? And yet you call her a dog? Have you never told her, "thank you?" Are you really going to dump her once she stops being useful?"
"What the... do you know this kid?" "No..." They were ignoring what she was saying again. Of course. She felt a jolt going down her spine, and the clattering from the handles made her realize it had jumped into the whole train. The train was stopping? Something was stopping. Something was about to stop.
Maybe it would be her. Maybe it would be them. Maybe the whole world could just stop, right, here: halt everything because no, she needed a break. Her fingers - her whole body, it certainly felt empty and cold enough for her heart to have stopped. She gulped air, but it felt even colder. "Hey," Sayaka gasped out. "Is this world even worth protecting? What have I been fighting for all this time? Tell me. You, right now. Tell me. Or else, I'll..."
She'd what?
The answer started to sink into her skin, shouted out from outside of her head over the rattling and the muffled noises of shock. It glittered darkly up her arms, her neck, into her eyes and was made clear, with the tolling of a chime:
She knew what had to happen next.
There was this.. emptiness in her, her arms especially, a lack where there should have been muscle ache from hefting swords or at least just something that felt living. After dealing with that transfer student before, she was ready to just.. get home, go to sleep, most of all quit having to be conscious. She shuffled into the car like someone half-dead on their feet.
It wasn't empty. Two young men sat by one another, casual like - friends, definitely. She wondered what Madoka was doing, right now. Asleep? They were the only ones, though, and Sayaka decided she could bear with them if it meant she didn't have to keep moving and feeling like it was a robot doing the work for her. She sat down, and tilted her head back so that she could feel the cold of the window against her scalp.
Then they started talking, and Sayaka slowly pressed herself into the seat's corner - like maybe she'd fall through it and out of the train, so that she didn't have to listen any more.
"No way, man, you can't let the dumb slut make any excuses. Gotta get her to fork over all the money she makes, no shit."
It wasn't working.
"'Cuz women are complete morons. They get money in their hands and they blow it all on stupid crap."
"Yeah, seriously, man. You can't just treat women like rational human beings."
Why would anyone act like this? Why would a person - a real life person, someone who wasn't just some stupid stereotype written up to be a moral lesson or a strawman - say that kind of thing?
"You gotta treat them like they're dogs or something. But you know, my stupid ho would probably be happy with that! All I gotta say is, "I'm gonna bust up your face!" and she shuts right up!"
They didn't sound like real people. They didn't sound like the sort of people she thought about, when she drew up her sword from her soul and fought monsters. It was like they were just wearing human guises, really. She'd never heard a Witch talk before, though.
"You give 'em an inch and they're all over you, whining to get married and shit. You just can't let up on them. I'm like, "You think a shit-for-brains hostess like you will still be around in 10 years?" That ho body ain't gonna last forever, y'know!"
"God, they're so annoying when it comes time to dump them. You are really good at dumping hos though, Sho! I envy you. Dude, I gotta learn from you."
She'd heard enough. Silently, she stood up on surprisingly steady legs, and spoke, voice low and serious. "Hey, tell me more about her."
"Um, what?" Sho - that was the one - had a pierced ear and long, whispy hair. He was trying for that pretty bad boy look, she guessed.
"The woman you were talking about just now. Tell me more about her." Sayaka tossed her head to the side, to eye the rows of swinging handles lining the ceiling of the train car. She didn't want to see too much of his eyes. His friend answered for him:
"Are you a middle schooler, kid? You shouldn't be out this late."
She ignored it, and went on. She wasn't even thinking about her words; they were bubbling out of her mouth all at once, in that same grave voice, her pitch slowly rising.
"That woman... she probably loves you and tries hard to make you happy. I bet you know that too, don't you? And yet you call her a dog? Have you never told her, "thank you?" Are you really going to dump her once she stops being useful?"
"What the... do you know this kid?" "No..." They were ignoring what she was saying again. Of course. She felt a jolt going down her spine, and the clattering from the handles made her realize it had jumped into the whole train. The train was stopping? Something was stopping. Something was about to stop.
Maybe it would be her. Maybe it would be them. Maybe the whole world could just stop, right, here: halt everything because no, she needed a break. Her fingers - her whole body, it certainly felt empty and cold enough for her heart to have stopped. She gulped air, but it felt even colder. "Hey," Sayaka gasped out. "Is this world even worth protecting? What have I been fighting for all this time? Tell me. You, right now. Tell me. Or else, I'll..."
She'd what?
The answer started to sink into her skin, shouted out from outside of her head over the rattling and the muffled noises of shock. It glittered darkly up her arms, her neck, into her eyes and was made clear, with the tolling of a chime:
She knew what had to happen next.